Lyaera's Journal

[Lyaera Amavaintria]

9:39 Dragon

Journal Entry I


Hmm. It feels odd writing in this thing, I remember David getting it for me, he said it would help with my thoughts... though I haven't used it up until now. Oh well, at least I can write... so I'm not completely useless like most slaves back in Tevinter, then again... I probably shouldn't say that, but I guess I am fortunate. Some entry this is turning out to be...

Still, things aren't all that bad, I often wonder where I would be without Fenris and David, to be honest... they're the only friends I have. [Laughs] Imagine that, a shem and a strangely tattooed elf for friends, I sure do know how to pick 'em. I guess it's like my father says, "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family..." though they are close to it...

Hm... my father. There's never a day that goes by where I don't think of him, he was such a good man... he didn't deserve to be taken from me the way he did.

[Sketches]

My father, Menel Amavaintria, the keeper of our clan. A once kind and benevolent man, of course he was strict towards me, but he was also loving... I'll always remember the lessons in life that he taught me, I had been aware of so much before even experiencing it thanks to him. [Laughs] He let me sneak off during mother's lessons just so I could practice with my bow, I think I get my mischievousness from him... and his eyes, so I've been told. I'll never forget the way he died, that image is forever etched into my mind, but... I now know he's in a better place now.

[Sketches]

Oh, my dear Mamae. So kind and beautiful was she, I guess I know where I get my hair from. [Chuckles] I have fond memories of mother, she'd try so hard to teach me to be a proper lady, she was once a servant to an Arl once, but she fled from an abusive life and was eventually founded by my father when he was a lad. She never liked to tell me how the two fell in love... she said it was their precious memory, which I could understand, they've been through so much... they at least deserve that kindness. Due to my mischievous ways, my mother never really got the chance to teach me much, poor Mamae. I truly miss her, she'd sing me to sleep every night when I was little.

[Sketches]

Nol Amavaintria, my little brother. Aged at only fifteen and he's already been through so much. A few days after he had been born and already had he been taken from our parents, he'd always ask me what they were like and sometimes... he even looks up to me as a mother as well as a sister, I could never take mother's place but I do sing to him... a song to remind him that even though our parents may not be with us, but will forever watch over us... like a light, always protecting he and I.

"Hahren na melana sahlin,
Emma ir abelas,
Souver'inan isala hamin,
Vhenan him dor'felas,
In Uthenera na revas.

Vir sulan'nehn,
Vir dirthera,
Vir samahl la numin,
Vir lath sav'unin."

"Elder your time has come,
Now I am filled with sorrow,
Weary eyes need resting,
Heart has become grey and slow,
In waking sleep is freedom.

We sing, rejoice,
We tell the tales,
We laugh and cry,
We love one more day."

No matter what, I will return to Tevinter for him, I must give him the life he deserves...

[Sketches]

My grandmother, Lyaera Amavaintria, the former keeper of our clan before my father, and... my namesake. She had died when I was only a year old so I never really knew her, my father would tell me stories of how she had such ways with wild creatures and knew how to treat the Halla, also. Though she was far more familiar with wolves, he told me how on the day she was born, a wolf had watched over my great grandmother as she gave birth, thus naming her child Lyaera. But I'm no wolf, though maybe there is something about my name that my parents must have felt hope for.

[Sketches]

And then there's my grandfather, Meleth Amavaintra, a former craftsman. He specially made my bow for me, for a while I had thought to have lost it until I stumbled upon it in the wares of a merchant. I even named my bow after him, he taught me how to use it though I hope to one day reach his level of skill, you'd not even hear it whistle in the air as it shot past you. In a way, he reminds me a lot of my father, so kind and wise. Sadly, he died when I was nine years old, but I have some fond memories of him.

Despite that I have lost so much of my family, they'll always remain where they belong, in my memories and my heart.

As for the past... Well, that is where it should remain, right? There is no use in looking back and thinking of what could have been different, what you could have done to prevent certain disasters. Life has taught me that, life has taught me that the present and future is all that should matter, and what you do with it. Do you throw it all away upon dwelling on something that happened seventeen years ago? Or do you become stronger and leave it all behind?

I chose a different path from the two. Yes, I never let my past alter me for the worst, in fact, I'll never forget the pain it caused me to see my parents killed before me, that pain is what makes me strong, it does not fill me with hate or the need for revenge, but it was that pain that caused me to move on and become stronger. I will not let it alter me into an emotionless fool, instead, I welcome it so that in the future, its impact will be no greater than the first.

To let go of the past is to let go of the ones that were once apart of it, they shall not be forgotten. Those that hide from their pasts, that never look back - to many it frightens them, they cower from it. Looking back isn't always a terrible thing, it's how you look at it. Some people can look at their pasts and not be affected, not because they feel nothing, but they have achieved a great strength. Those that never look back, some are also strong, but as for the rest... they are averting their gaze from something that they choose not to see - to accept.

Life as a slave was never easy, it would be considered humble to say that everyone goes through something terrible in their lives yet acceptable to say they've not gone through that same nightmare for seventeen years.

The slave life I could handle despite the constant whippings when I would make a mistake, or the way my Master touched me with those cold and clammy hands, then there was the beatings and fellow slaves that envied and treated me poorly. I was my Master's favourite to say the least, in Tevinter slaves are also seen as trophies, whether which Magister has the most beautiful or healthy slave, some would go as far as trading or even killing their rivals just to obtain the slave they desired - it all seems so excessive yet... trivial.

But I cared not for any of it, not even my own Master whom I had fooled in believing I loved him, there was nothing to love at all. My little brother, Nol, he was my main and only priority. We were separated for at least five years, I had heard he had been adopted by an Elven couple in Kirkwall though sadly when he reached five years of age his parents were mysteriously killed and brought here to Tevinter to serve my Master. I think long and hard about it, though I can never come to the conclusion that my Master did it out of kindness... I always had the suspicion that he had something to do with that poor couple's deaths, but he would not have done it to reunite me with my brother. My master may be deceitful, but he certainly doesn't have a heart.

My little brother, he is not yet a man, that sweet and kind boy at only fifteen years of age. He hadn't even been named by our parents, yet he seems happy with the name his adoptive parents gave him... at least he had something close to parents, but now... we only have each other. To be honest, as long as I have Nol in my life I'll be happy.

For now... I must do what I can to survive, and now that this blasted collar is off, I am free to do as I choose. Though I made a promise, I'd help David before anything else, hopefully I shall get the same in return.

It is time to rest now, I've been writing for too long. Hopefully... I get to where I need to be soon.

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Lyaera Amavaintria.[/i]